In Philly, it’s a rainy Wednesday night. The sound of the soft rain dancing against the window makes for a perfect relaxing night. Unwind with some poetry, a glass of wine and smooth music before you retire to the bed. Peace and Love.
Music
Music, the symphony of notes connecting me to my inner child
Reversing my steps towards the day of my birth into this world
Looking through a frosty window at a much younger version of me
Amazed at the sight of lost innocence and unadulterated hope
I can see my father oh so clear, his angelic silhouette is cleansed of all poisons
Joined in a dance with my mother, her body is perfumed with pure joy
Careless Whispers pulsate rhythm waves throughout their joined bodies
It’s everything that defines my character, the core of my complex-layered heart
I look in on my sister, dressed in fuzzy pajamas, fully clothed with happiness
A less sexy dance between us girls as we spin around to the groove of music
Savory scents of supper warm the cozy home with feelings of love and security
And now I’m locked out and wanting to be there so badly
The residue of my true joy is in the traces of old time melodies
I trace my fingers along the pane of their window, I want them to let me in
I wish they could see that my spirit is locked behind their doors, locked away in the past
I can hardly breathe, my heart is gasping for familiarity and a sense of belonging
The hours of tomorrow stole the pleasure of yesterday from me
Despite the yearning to revisit moments that define my life, I must move on
There are weak moments, contemplations of sacrificing my blood to find the lost me
Those times where I frantically dig the soil away from those buried memories
Those tireless attempts to breathe existence into past times that are dead now
My family has parted from me, my heart has parted from my mind
It is a suicide of my joy
But music reminds me that I once existed, and I was whole
Forgotten Tears (inspired by movie "Precious")
Dear Mama, can I cry too? When the souls of our home bellow in pain, does God only hear you?
Cause I cry. I cry too, but with no one to answer, God must only hear you.
In the presence of the moon, you wallow in a deep stupor, as your tears drown the pain surrounding you.
Blinded sight and tear stained eyes never seem to notice that daddy’s left your bed.
He pours you the bloody death of my innocence, while you stumbled to the blues in a solo dance.
A trance, provoked by thick curls of sweet smoke, calling you to a window of escape.
Worlds away, I lay, screams muffled by razor threats, fears choked with familiar hands.
I cry, hoping my tears swim towards your compassion, your awareness, your ability to give a damn.
Yet you never answer, or refuse to, cause your blues grow louder to the creaking of my bed.
I imagine you in your finest silk, loving daddy the way you used to.
So I pretend to be you, cause that’s the only way his thrusts make sense.
Pain, disgust, pleasure, guilt, fingers of emotions prod at my sanity.
I cry mama, I burn with anger as you let this happen.
I look up at the night’s dark blanket angry with God too.
The stench of whiskey hangs heavy above my lips.
I yearn for a taste of your distorted reality, a taste of daddy’s selfishness.
Cause all I can think about is how sorry I am for what daddy has done to us.
To me.
To you.
Mama.
I cry.
For you.
For me.
Can I?
I look up at the stars sparkle like shiny diamond gems.
It’s the only thing alive in that dead black sky.
Has to be, because mama I cry too.
But it seems that God only has ears for you.
