In between mint flavored “vacations,” a friend of mines confessed that she was concealing a private savings account with a secret stash of five-thousand dollars. Her boyfriend had no clue the money existed, as she kept her lips pursed through many of their financial struggles. I imagined the intensity of the argument that would unfold if he were to ever find out her “secret.” What was the money for? Was she chipping away at the account to provide just enough cushioning to keep them out of poverty, or was it a means to run away if things should ever worsen. In relationships, one of the most common reasons for dissolution is “money problems.” Money represents power, security, love, control, joy, and freedom to name a few. To complicate things further, money is viewed differently by every individual. To some, it is nothing more than a way to purchase necessities while others see money as a potential mate to bond with for a lifetime. Throwing these mixed views into a relationship can create a concoction for a disaster! However, one can counter that dire ending by understanding what it means to handle money in relationships. The first step is: knowing your debt to income ratio. How much cheese are you bringing in, and how many chunks of cheese does the mouse eat away? This step is crucial because all sources of income must be brought to the table. This isn’t the time to rationalize about how you docked some of the income because your husband left the toothpaste cap off one time too many. To pick on husbands too, local strip club donations won’t make you a philanthropist. Embrace the concept: We are in this together and this is OUR money. The second step is: developing a spending chart. Record where your money is being spent and look for patterns to learn your strengths and weaknesses. Spenders shouldn’t look at the Savers as wicked stepparents, and Savers shouldn’t view Spenders as financial destructors. Just as a relationship involves the coming together of two individuals, views and desires should also be brought together for sake of compromise. The topic of money is undoubtedly a potential hair-raiser in relationships so it must be approached “blame-free.” The girlfriend I was chatting with is still in a relationship…..With her money that is.
