Lipstick. Stilettos, and Play Dates

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Life of the sexy crazy single mom

No girl spends her youthful nights, huddled under the night sky wishing fervently upon bright lucky starts to grow up and become…..(drum roll)…..a single mom. No young woman anticipates the day she’ll watch a second line stretch across the pregnancy test…alone. And not one sister on the committee of womanhood longs for the day that her man leaves or is kicked out because he is hurting the family more than helping. But guess what? Cow dung happens!
Life can easily put you in an unnatural situation; that is, the rearing of a child on a team of one. Many mojitos later, and you’re still wondering: “how in the hell am I going to manage?” There is bills, toys, dating, more toys (watch your feet, those toys do major damage), PTA meetings, co-parenting drama, or no co-parent at all, and maintaining your sanity and individuality all to be juggled in one. A circus act indeed. While it may be tempting to climb up a hill of brownies and jump down into a pool of alcohol, it is important that you keep your head together. Is it fair? Heck no! And to those people who dare to undermine the job of a single mother, take on two jobs for the pay of one and see how quickly you jump on board (or off a roof). So now that we’ve established that single motherhood is ridiculously hard, we’ve got to figure out a way to excel at it. You know, come out alive, and homicide-free. I love to say, “If there is a will, there is a way.”
Lipstick:  As a single mother, you have got to preserve your “pretty.” Wake up a half hour ahead of your planned schedule and pull out the make-up bag and curling irons. This won’t be easy, especially if you already traded in precious sleep hours to do the family’s laundry. You may not be able to do it daily, as unforeseen occurrences pop up in motherhood as often a zits on a teenager’s face. But do it as much as you possibly can. If you ever want to be successful in the dating world (which brings me to my next point), you must respect and showcase your femininity.
Stilettos: As a single mother, you have got to slip into some sexy shoes (and/or other sexy items). Get “sex-ified” (I’ve mentioned this in earlier posts). In all honesty, a lot of men place single mothers at the end of the dating totem pole because of issues that arise with parenting (and “baby-daddy” drama). Do we really want to keep ourselves on the bottom with bland clothing and boring personalities. I know there is a badge of honor that comes along with saying “My kids are my life” but in more honesty, they are not! They will grow up, meet their husbands and wives and leave you in a house on a hill with cats. Lots of cats!!!! I am not asking single mothers to bring random guys around their children, as that can be downright dangerous, but I am daring you to get out and date. Being a single mother is not a sentence of eternal loneliness, it is a path of life.
Play dates: The kids deserve to have fun too. Of all people involved in single-mom-dom, the children bear no fault. Every week, set aside special time just for the children to participate in play dates, museum visits, ice cream stops, etc. Set up male role-models to play an active role in your children’s lives. I’ll say this with simplicity and intensity, “You cannot be a mother and father to your children.” It is too hard on you and it robs the children of opportunities to bond with a male figure. If you don’t believe me, check “down under” to see if you carry both “parts.” If you still don’t believe me, wait a couple of years and watch the issues your children present with, due to a lack of a male role model in their lives.
In single-motherhood, you will need a strong support system, a heck of a wardrobe, and a bottle of rum (but only for those really hard days). Go ahead and live the life of a sexy, crazy single mom, fabulously!

BOMBS over Break-ups!!

　

Is there a such thing as a perfect break-up? You know, the one where two lovers sit on opposites ends of ridiculously sweet sundaes and come to an agreement that a better life exists outside of their waning love. The items in the house are spilt an evenly 50/50 and custody arrangements for Cocoa, the chocolate Labrador are made effortlessly. With every spoonful of cool sweet goodness, the soon to be exes fill their stomachs with reassurance that they are making the right decision. When the spoon kisses the bottom of the sundae cup, hands are outstretched, and intertwined for one last time, before separate lives are begun. A chapter is closed, and the story goes on.
Only in a perfect world……A flipping fairy tale….
On the other hand.
Is there such thing as a normal break-up? You know, the ones that do not involve yelling every obscenity that comes to mind, and vowing to destroy the life of someone you once loved dearly. It is as if the ending of a relationship summons a storm of destruction and pain. Winds of hate and clouds saturated with tears, hurry towards the fragile house where two lovers once resided. With every second that drips from the clock, the two act in such a way that makes people wonder what they were doing together in the first place. Cocoa the Labrador seeks cover in a corner amid flying fine china, and the lawyers are on speed dial because each party wants everything?……Everything!!!!!!
And when the dust settles, bitterness arises and drains the house of any signs of life.
A heaven of hell.
So what should take place during a break-up? Is there a set of guidelines, describing break-up etiquette that lovers should follow in effort to avoid going through a painful separation?
During a break-up, both parties should remain calm and rational. That can be very difficult if you are just finding out that your wife has drained the entire bank account or your husband has slept with half of his job and yours...BUT….. it is important to do so. Remaining calm enables you to think clearly and rationally. A relationship is like a business in many ways, so the two partners must come together to oversee the dissolution of the partnership and make sure no one is getting the short end of the stick. There is no need to seek to destroy your ex; Even if you feel like they did you wrong or got the best of you. Revenge is unproductive and unhealthy. Not only does it make you look selfish, immature, and desperate; engaging in revengeful acts puts you back on Karma’s radar. After a break-up neither party should feel at a disadvantage or have their quality of living diminished purposely. A break-up should be just that. Two lovers breaking off their commitment to each other. In the end, each should get at least one thing they want (not every-darn-thing!). There should not be any discussions of why a break-up was inevitable and whose fault it was. From the minute you decide to end things, work towards having a day where you bump into each other, and you can smile, catch up, and keep getting up, instead of informing your hired hit-man of your ex’s newest location.

The Perfect Date

I’ve always imagined the perfect date to be a borrowed page out of a romantic movie script. Some rich and undoubtedly handsome gentleman lays out a series of instructions for his beautiful girlfriend to follow. He directs her to a spa, where cool cucumbers peel the stress away from her eyes. He assembles a team of fashion experts to pick out “the perfect dress” made specifically for her curves. Hands work feverishly at her tresses, nails, and toes. To kiss the makeover off, the most seductive shade of red is painted along her lips. The male character then whisks his beauty off into a night of good food, dance, and pure magic.
And Cut!
Of course that is a scene out of Hollywood. I’m not Julia Roberts and the last time I checked, “Richard Geres” aren’t exactly hanging out by my door (I’m talking Pretty Woman people!). So….what consists of the perfect date for us regular folk? I know a lot of men have given up on constructing the perfect date because they are either 5 years deep in a relationship and don’t see the need (shame on you) or living it up in the “wham bam, thank you ma’am” era (shame on you too). We have got to reintroduce romance into the dating and relationship world. Pop culture may not glorify spending all your time and efforts on one person but it sure as heck beats waking up next to a complete stranger, wondering if you remembered to wear a condom the night before.
So lets discuss the perfect date.
The perfect date is a memorable one. It is one of those dates that you’ll think about many years down the line, in between sips of lemonade.
One version of the perfect date is to experience something totally new for the both of you. Not only does this add excitement and anticipation but it cements a memory of something just the two of you shared. There is nothing like sharing a laugh together about the time one of you almost fell during horseback riding.
Another way to set the perfect date is to borrow a page from childhood. Participate in a nostalgic experience such as carnival rides and cotton candy. Seeing your love interest in a different light (an innocent one) can add to the ways you appreciate and love that person.
The final two ways to sew up a perfect date are polar opposites of each other.
One way is to plan a perfect date. Your loved one will see the effort you put into the planning of the date and you will feel proud to see your hard work unfold. The little black dress, and dinner with drinks followed by a show, will always be a classic. Even if you are low on money, sending the kids to grandma’s and cuddling up for horror movie night would fit into this category.
The last version of a perfect date is my favorite. In my experience these dates have always been the ones to remember. Spontaneous dates. Those dates that you go on in the middle of the day or well into the night just because the mood strikes you. This category doesn’t even have to be an actual date. Just two people madly in love or “in like,” living in the moment. Get off the couch and climb out of stranger’s beds. There is actually a life out there waiting to be lived. The perfect date is waiting to take place. Go on now, you can do it.

Exchanging Motherhood for 25 to Life (a real life story)

I staggered along the edge of sanity in the shower, contemplating how peaceful my life would be in a 6ft by 8 ft jail cell. “Three hots and a cot” I whispered, as my needy family members took turns barging in on my 30 minute vacation. I stood timidly under the shower head, desperately begging for quiet and tranquility to trickle down. Instead of being granted serenity, many different versions of “mom” invaded my ear space. In thirty minutes, the household spiraled downward into a world of chaos and panic. In thirty minutes, I carefully planned the perfect crime and outfit I would wear walking into jail with my head held high. Well maybe not, but in that moment, I was frustrated enough to spin my head 360 degrees; like a mad woman in need of a straight jacket. Since I couldn’t actually act on devilish desires, I had to figure out a way preserve my mental stability and crime-free record.

The struggles of motherhood are not widely publicized but we mothers (and fathers) know how hard it can be taking on the most difficult job known to man. Roles such as psychologist, mediator, chef, maid, doctor, and personal assistant are a part of everyday life, minus the training and pay. So just how do we handle it? The key is self-preservation. It is imperative that we keep ourselves at a high functioning level, which calls for regular maintenance check-ups. These check-ups come in the form of regular doctor visits, trips to the spa, nights out with friends, etc. These activities promote physical, mental, and emotional health. Next, it’s necessary to know your limits. As a parent, it is easy to check into super-hero mode and forget that you are a human being with limitations. As much as your heart desires to be all that you can be plus more, recognize that perfection is impossible. The old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” is absolutely true. Gather up your village of grandparents, mentors, friends, and family because without them, a hard life will definitely be served up on a silver platter.

I decided not to “off” my family. Even though they make me feel loonier than Bugs Bunny on Prozac, I love them dearly. I recognized my fault of forgetting to lock the bathroom door while showering. That was “me” time and for thirty minutes I earned the right to a steamy hot vacation in “Shower Falls.” Whatever happens outside of the shower, for thirty minutes, it’s not my concern. If the family can’t get on board with that, I just may sign up for a lifetime cellmate (just kidding folks.)

Release the Inner Goddess in You



Aphrodite




Do you find yourself looking like a gray and rainy Tuesday, completely overshadowed by a Saturday night in stiletto pumps? Those days of catching a stranger’s (or your partner’s) eye, are tucked away with old college memorabilia. More often than not, women become trapped in their roles as mothers, wives, and employees and lose sight of who they are as individuals. The inner goddess that resides in all women lay gasping for breaths of air underneath sweatpants and messy ponytails. The other group of “goddess-violators” restrict themselves with an overly-conservative life of boring colors and prudish behaviors. That pretty bottle of perfume on the vanity appears to have been replaced with “attraction repellant”. It is as if many women have forgotten how to have spontaneous fun, be playful, and dare I say it….Be Sexy!! If you fall into one of these categories, you might be wondering: How can I release the goddess within me? How can I enhance my irresistibility and attraction?  

·        Firstly, it is essential to reshape the way you view yourself. If you do not see yourself as beautiful, confident, and desirable, others will follow suit.  This is comparable to attempting to sell a product that you don’t believe in, yet expecting a consumer to purchase it. Promote yourself!

·        The next step is to recognize and embrace your inner child. The inner child gives off a youthful glow and most importantly, it contributes to your overall happiness. Indulge in childhood games and activities that bring about laughter and excitement. Turning the music up and dancing wildly to an up-tempo musical beat can easily grant access to absolute freedom. Not only is this step “eye-watering” fun, it is medicine for the soul. Amuse yourself!

·        The third step involves trying something new. Whether you decide to try horseback riding, learn a new language, take a cooking class, or join a club, it will be a breath of fresh air to introduce a new aspect of living to your schedule. In this step, the challenge is to offer up a “slow yes”, instead of a “fast no”. Create a list of “things you must do before it’s all over” and GO FOR IT! Dare yourself!

·        The fourth step is to go on dates….with you. Get to know who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, dreams and aspirations, fears and issues. In this process, your self-esteem is likely to increase because you are paying more attention to you and your self-worth. Kick your feet up to enjoy chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone while you reflect on everything you have overcome in Life. Then, enjoy you in that moment, in between licks of sweetness. Feel the soft wind against your skin, a gentle breeze surrounding wisps of your hair, and recognize how brilliant and unique you are. There is not one person in this world, past, present or future that will walk in your shoes, look through your eyes, and impact the environment in the exact way that you have done so. Award yourself!

·        The fifth step is fun! Get sex-ified.  Every woman has sexiness and spice; some are just better than others at putting it on display. The key is finding channels in which you can express this sexiness and enhancing it to the fullest. Getting sex-ified is not to be confused with being promiscuous or wearing “late night corner” get-up. It is the celebration of a woman’s curves in a sensual way. Standing before a mirror and watching how your body moves to music, honing in on your senses, and opening yourself up to your environment would be a great way to start the sex-ification process. Something as simple as wearing matching lingerie underneath your clothing can serve as a self-esteem booster shot. Be hot for yourself!

The goddess in you is fun, flirty, sensual, and knowledgeable. She is not afraid to try a new cuisine, after going salsa dancing on a Thursday night. There is a flicker of youth in her eye, and a hint of tease in her smile. All you have to do is release her so that she may take you for the liveliest ride of your Life.  

Discovering the Beauty in you

Imagine…..you’ve been secretly videotaped for several weeks engaged in your everyday routine. Before you are several screen shots of you headed to work, shopping at the grocery store, picking up your children from school, and performing other various tasks. What do you see? No, look past the obvious behaviors and surroundings, what do you really see? Ask yourself: Have I discovered and enhanced my beauty in every way, shape, or form? Before you determine your grade of beauty, it is time to reevaluate our definitions of beauty and embrace this idea of being beautiful in a whole new way.

All of our life, we are led to believe that beauty is perfection. The perfect body size, perfect skin, teeth and hair. We are duped into believing what we see on television and in movies exist in “real life” and our standards should be set by characters in Hollywood. We criticize ourselves for not shrinking back to size threes, six weeks after childbirth, not keeping those extra thirty pounds off in between diets, and not “mysteriously” waking up with altered bodies parts just the way those celebrities have managed to do so. Today is the day that we decide beauty by our own standards and understand that celebrities are paid to create and perfect a polished image and a team of people who dedicate their lives to making you think this type of perfection really exists.

So what exactly is beauty? Beauty is awareness and celebration. Beauty is good health, confidence and happiness. The first step is being aware of your strengths and flaws. In this step you determine what areas you should play up and enhance and what areas you should play down and/or improve. If your eyes are your best feature, put a bit of mascara on to celebrate your gift of beauty. If up-do hairstyles bring out the girl in you, don’t hesitate to bring some youthful years back to your face. Take out a little extra time in the morning to put together a coordinated outfit, one that enhances the tone of your skin and the color of your eyes. Beauty is good health. Dieting leads to a road of disappointment and can be flat out dangerous. A better idea would be to incorporate healthy food staples into your current eating habits; trade off an unhealthy item for a healthy one. An example would be exchanging a daily morning jelly doughnut for a bagel with flavored cream cheese or a fresh bowl of fruit. Love your body and nourish it with lots of water. Beauty is confidence. When you are walking down the street, act as if you are a model on a runway, strutting before a crowd of spectators. Walk with your shoulders back and your head held high. Not only does this poised walk improve your core, it also gives you a look of confidence and a feeling of belonging. Most importantly, beauty is happiness. A smile, small crinkling by the eyes (everything Botox takes away) and a warm spirit is a magnet for good social times. People will be drawn to you, wanting to know your secret to a good life. Beauty is you, if you let it be and embrace the idea of being perfectly imperfect.

Mojito Party

Island Escapade

Every now and then, a mojito girl has to take a break from everyday life, and indulge in a little fun. She has to kick off her tired shoes, slip a sunflower into her hair, and put on some music to dance to. At a mojito party, no form of stress is invited. To kick the party off, try a frozen mojito (recipe below) or two or three. Relax, unwind, and enjoy.

Get Lost in your Frozen Vacation......

Ingredients

For every 4 slushes, you will need:

• 1 pint lime sorbet or 1 can lime ade from frozen juice section
• 8 shots light rum
• 1/2 cup mint leaves
• 1 tray ice cubes

Directions

In a blender, combine 1/2 pint sorbet or 1/2 can of lime ade with 4 shots of rum, 1/4 cup mint leaves and 1/2 tray of ice. Pulse, then blend on high until lime-mint slush is smooth. Pour drinks into 2 large cocktail glasses using a long handled spoon and repeat with remaining ingredients.

Lies, Sex, and Caution Tape (stories are fictional)

Enter if You Dare

Mars: Spiked stilettos and cranberry juice; crimson passion bursting through restrained desires. The bed felt familiar but the curves before me took unpredictable turns. My anxious hands danced to a new tune. I could feel my heart throbbing, stopping, moaning, cringing, and stopping once more as fear and excitement pulsated through rhythmic bodies. In a land of opportunity, I allowed myself to do what felt right for me.  

Venus: Frozen cubes of a broken heart floating lifelessly in a bath of alcohol. The sting feels nice against my throat. One look into his eyes and his body screamed out “the secret.” It was evident in his new look, impure and dark, obvious in the overwhelming stench of cheap perfume. Our disconnected hearts were riding down opposite sides of Love Boulevard. In a world of feelings, he chose betrayal as the perfect gift for me.

Infidelity in relationships is as common as a seasonal cold. In fact, 57% of men and 54% of women admit to infidelity (emotional and/or physical) in any relationship they’ve had. 36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a co-worker. 74% of men say they would have an affair if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. 68% of women also admitted their willingness to engage in a consequence-free affair. These astronomical percentages blatantly spit in the face of monogamy and the very purpose of being in a relationship to begin with. While it is true that most affairs are not planned, it doesn’t appear that committed people are doing a heck of a lot to prevent innocent attractions from developing into lustful trysts. The single counterparts in the affairs are also to blame. Instead of perceiving the affair to be a nod to their non-existent self-esteem, they could attempt to empathize with the person being cheated on and anyone else indirectly involved. It is true that some singles may not know they are apart of an affair, but the ones who do are just as guilty as the adulterer.  I have developed a pre-cheater’s checklist guide which is a set of questions that one should ask themselves in the event of a blooming attraction for the “other person”.

•   Am I doing anything to put myself into uncomfortable spaces with the “other person?”
•   If my significant other were present, would I behave in this manner?
•   Is this “other person” enough to replace my significant other, and not just fill a minor deficit?
•   How will I feel immediately after the affair?    
•   How will I feel if my significant other discovered my actions?
•   What would I do if a child resulted from this affair, or a sexually transmitted disease?
•    How might this affair come back to bite me “where the sun don’t shine?”  

It’s simple, think before you cheat.

*Stats taken from: http://www.infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html

Café au amour (coffee with love)

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
Karl - age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French Fries without making them give you any of theirs.”
Chrissy - age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
Terri - age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
Danny - age 7“

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s Love.”
Rebecca - age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
Billy - age 4

“Love is when you give someone your whole heart and they give you their whole heart.”

 Arianna- age 5 (my daughter)

An unknown author of “Inspiration & Motivation” blog posted several quotes from young children, professing their ideas about the meaning of love. These simply honest perspectives undoubtedly reflect unadulterated love. Vivid images emerge from these statements, tugging at hidden emotions and pulling at coiled heart strings. I imagine multi-colored butterflies, fluttering their wings in the pit of two lovers’ stomachs as they take in whiffs of cologne and perfume just as Karl so eloquently put. I think of a toasty cabin fire emitting waves of warmth throughout Rebecca’s grandmother’s veins as her grandfather painted her toenails a soft pink. Silence follows. Questions fill within me shortly after. Are we creating these little opportunities to showcase our love, and more importantly, are we appreciative of these notions when they come our way? In an over-sexualized society, it is quite evident that romance is becoming somewhat extinct. Heart shaped sugar cookies with iced love sayings are being replaced with “I’m sorry for cheating” diamond rings, and individuals are trading in their titles as lovers for business partners. Perhaps we should look to young children to understand and respect their world view of simplicity and learn that “little things” make bigger statements instead of being caught up in the big distractions that fill bleak voids.

*Quotes taken from “Inspiration and Motivation” blog http://www.bestinspirationalquotes4u.com/blog/58/what-does-love-mean/

Poetic Wednesdays

In Philly, it’s a rainy Wednesday night. The sound of the soft rain dancing against the window makes for a perfect relaxing night. Unwind with some poetry, a glass of wine and smooth music before you retire to the bed. Peace and Love.

   Music

Music, the symphony of notes connecting me to my inner child

Reversing my steps towards the day of my birth into this world

Looking through a frosty window at a much younger version of me

Amazed at the sight of lost innocence and unadulterated hope

I can see my father oh so clear, his angelic silhouette is cleansed of all poisons

Joined in a dance with my mother, her body is perfumed with pure joy

Careless Whispers pulsate rhythm waves throughout their joined bodies

It’s everything that defines my character, the core of my complex-layered heart

I look in on my sister, dressed in fuzzy pajamas, fully clothed with happiness

A less sexy dance between us girls as we spin around to the groove of music

Savory scents of supper warm the cozy home with feelings of love and security

And now I’m locked out and wanting to be there so badly

The residue of my true joy is in the traces of old time melodies

I trace my fingers along the pane of their window, I want them to let me in

I wish they could see that my spirit is locked behind their doors, locked away in the past

I can hardly breathe, my heart is gasping for familiarity and a sense of belonging

The hours of tomorrow stole the pleasure of yesterday from me

Despite the yearning to revisit moments that define my life, I must move on

There are weak moments, contemplations of sacrificing my blood to find the lost me

Those times where I frantically dig the soil away from those buried memories

Those tireless attempts to breathe existence into past times that are dead now

My family has parted from me, my heart has parted from my mind

It is a suicide of my joy

But music reminds me that I once existed, and I was whole    

Forgotten Tears (inspired by movie "Precious")

Dear Mama, can I cry too? When the souls of our home bellow in pain, does God only hear you?

Cause I cry. I cry too, but with no one to answer, God must only hear you.

In the presence of the moon, you wallow in a deep stupor, as your tears drown the pain surrounding you.

Blinded sight and tear stained eyes never seem to notice that daddy’s left your bed.

He pours you the bloody death of my innocence, while you stumbled to the blues in a solo dance.

A trance, provoked by thick curls of sweet smoke, calling you to a window of escape.

Worlds away, I lay, screams muffled by razor threats, fears choked with familiar hands.

I cry, hoping my tears swim towards your compassion, your awareness, your ability to give a damn.

Yet you never answer, or refuse to, cause your blues grow louder to the creaking of my bed.

I imagine you in your finest silk, loving daddy the way you used to.

So I pretend to be you, cause that’s the only way his thrusts make sense.

Pain, disgust, pleasure, guilt, fingers of emotions prod at my sanity.

I cry mama, I burn with anger as you let this happen.

I look up at the night’s dark blanket angry with God too.

The stench of whiskey hangs heavy above my lips.

I yearn for a taste of your distorted reality, a taste of daddy’s selfishness.

Cause all I can think about is how sorry I am for what daddy has done to us.

To me.

To you.

Mama.

I cry.

For you.

For me.

Can I?

I look up at the stars sparkle like shiny diamond gems.

It’s the only thing alive in that dead black sky.

Has to be, because mama I cry too.

But it seems that God only has ears for you.