Lipstick. Stilettos, and Play Dates

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Life of the sexy crazy single mom

No girl spends her youthful nights, huddled under the night sky wishing fervently upon bright lucky starts to grow up and become…..(drum roll)…..a single mom. No young woman anticipates the day she’ll watch a second line stretch across the pregnancy test…alone. And not one sister on the committee of womanhood longs for the day that her man leaves or is kicked out because he is hurting the family more than helping. But guess what? Cow dung happens!
Life can easily put you in an unnatural situation; that is, the rearing of a child on a team of one. Many mojitos later, and you’re still wondering: “how in the hell am I going to manage?” There is bills, toys, dating, more toys (watch your feet, those toys do major damage), PTA meetings, co-parenting drama, or no co-parent at all, and maintaining your sanity and individuality all to be juggled in one. A circus act indeed. While it may be tempting to climb up a hill of brownies and jump down into a pool of alcohol, it is important that you keep your head together. Is it fair? Heck no! And to those people who dare to undermine the job of a single mother, take on two jobs for the pay of one and see how quickly you jump on board (or off a roof). So now that we’ve established that single motherhood is ridiculously hard, we’ve got to figure out a way to excel at it. You know, come out alive, and homicide-free. I love to say, “If there is a will, there is a way.”
Lipstick:  As a single mother, you have got to preserve your “pretty.” Wake up a half hour ahead of your planned schedule and pull out the make-up bag and curling irons. This won’t be easy, especially if you already traded in precious sleep hours to do the family’s laundry. You may not be able to do it daily, as unforeseen occurrences pop up in motherhood as often a zits on a teenager’s face. But do it as much as you possibly can. If you ever want to be successful in the dating world (which brings me to my next point), you must respect and showcase your femininity.
Stilettos: As a single mother, you have got to slip into some sexy shoes (and/or other sexy items). Get “sex-ified” (I’ve mentioned this in earlier posts). In all honesty, a lot of men place single mothers at the end of the dating totem pole because of issues that arise with parenting (and “baby-daddy” drama). Do we really want to keep ourselves on the bottom with bland clothing and boring personalities. I know there is a badge of honor that comes along with saying “My kids are my life” but in more honesty, they are not! They will grow up, meet their husbands and wives and leave you in a house on a hill with cats. Lots of cats!!!! I am not asking single mothers to bring random guys around their children, as that can be downright dangerous, but I am daring you to get out and date. Being a single mother is not a sentence of eternal loneliness, it is a path of life.
Play dates: The kids deserve to have fun too. Of all people involved in single-mom-dom, the children bear no fault. Every week, set aside special time just for the children to participate in play dates, museum visits, ice cream stops, etc. Set up male role-models to play an active role in your children’s lives. I’ll say this with simplicity and intensity, “You cannot be a mother and father to your children.” It is too hard on you and it robs the children of opportunities to bond with a male figure. If you don’t believe me, check “down under” to see if you carry both “parts.” If you still don’t believe me, wait a couple of years and watch the issues your children present with, due to a lack of a male role model in their lives.
In single-motherhood, you will need a strong support system, a heck of a wardrobe, and a bottle of rum (but only for those really hard days). Go ahead and live the life of a sexy, crazy single mom, fabulously!

BOMBS over Break-ups!!

　

Is there a such thing as a perfect break-up? You know, the one where two lovers sit on opposites ends of ridiculously sweet sundaes and come to an agreement that a better life exists outside of their waning love. The items in the house are spilt an evenly 50/50 and custody arrangements for Cocoa, the chocolate Labrador are made effortlessly. With every spoonful of cool sweet goodness, the soon to be exes fill their stomachs with reassurance that they are making the right decision. When the spoon kisses the bottom of the sundae cup, hands are outstretched, and intertwined for one last time, before separate lives are begun. A chapter is closed, and the story goes on.
Only in a perfect world……A flipping fairy tale….
On the other hand.
Is there such thing as a normal break-up? You know, the ones that do not involve yelling every obscenity that comes to mind, and vowing to destroy the life of someone you once loved dearly. It is as if the ending of a relationship summons a storm of destruction and pain. Winds of hate and clouds saturated with tears, hurry towards the fragile house where two lovers once resided. With every second that drips from the clock, the two act in such a way that makes people wonder what they were doing together in the first place. Cocoa the Labrador seeks cover in a corner amid flying fine china, and the lawyers are on speed dial because each party wants everything?……Everything!!!!!!
And when the dust settles, bitterness arises and drains the house of any signs of life.
A heaven of hell.
So what should take place during a break-up? Is there a set of guidelines, describing break-up etiquette that lovers should follow in effort to avoid going through a painful separation?
During a break-up, both parties should remain calm and rational. That can be very difficult if you are just finding out that your wife has drained the entire bank account or your husband has slept with half of his job and yours...BUT….. it is important to do so. Remaining calm enables you to think clearly and rationally. A relationship is like a business in many ways, so the two partners must come together to oversee the dissolution of the partnership and make sure no one is getting the short end of the stick. There is no need to seek to destroy your ex; Even if you feel like they did you wrong or got the best of you. Revenge is unproductive and unhealthy. Not only does it make you look selfish, immature, and desperate; engaging in revengeful acts puts you back on Karma’s radar. After a break-up neither party should feel at a disadvantage or have their quality of living diminished purposely. A break-up should be just that. Two lovers breaking off their commitment to each other. In the end, each should get at least one thing they want (not every-darn-thing!). There should not be any discussions of why a break-up was inevitable and whose fault it was. From the minute you decide to end things, work towards having a day where you bump into each other, and you can smile, catch up, and keep getting up, instead of informing your hired hit-man of your ex’s newest location.

The Perfect Date

I’ve always imagined the perfect date to be a borrowed page out of a romantic movie script. Some rich and undoubtedly handsome gentleman lays out a series of instructions for his beautiful girlfriend to follow. He directs her to a spa, where cool cucumbers peel the stress away from her eyes. He assembles a team of fashion experts to pick out “the perfect dress” made specifically for her curves. Hands work feverishly at her tresses, nails, and toes. To kiss the makeover off, the most seductive shade of red is painted along her lips. The male character then whisks his beauty off into a night of good food, dance, and pure magic.
And Cut!
Of course that is a scene out of Hollywood. I’m not Julia Roberts and the last time I checked, “Richard Geres” aren’t exactly hanging out by my door (I’m talking Pretty Woman people!). So….what consists of the perfect date for us regular folk? I know a lot of men have given up on constructing the perfect date because they are either 5 years deep in a relationship and don’t see the need (shame on you) or living it up in the “wham bam, thank you ma’am” era (shame on you too). We have got to reintroduce romance into the dating and relationship world. Pop culture may not glorify spending all your time and efforts on one person but it sure as heck beats waking up next to a complete stranger, wondering if you remembered to wear a condom the night before.
So lets discuss the perfect date.
The perfect date is a memorable one. It is one of those dates that you’ll think about many years down the line, in between sips of lemonade.
One version of the perfect date is to experience something totally new for the both of you. Not only does this add excitement and anticipation but it cements a memory of something just the two of you shared. There is nothing like sharing a laugh together about the time one of you almost fell during horseback riding.
Another way to set the perfect date is to borrow a page from childhood. Participate in a nostalgic experience such as carnival rides and cotton candy. Seeing your love interest in a different light (an innocent one) can add to the ways you appreciate and love that person.
The final two ways to sew up a perfect date are polar opposites of each other.
One way is to plan a perfect date. Your loved one will see the effort you put into the planning of the date and you will feel proud to see your hard work unfold. The little black dress, and dinner with drinks followed by a show, will always be a classic. Even if you are low on money, sending the kids to grandma’s and cuddling up for horror movie night would fit into this category.
The last version of a perfect date is my favorite. In my experience these dates have always been the ones to remember. Spontaneous dates. Those dates that you go on in the middle of the day or well into the night just because the mood strikes you. This category doesn’t even have to be an actual date. Just two people madly in love or “in like,” living in the moment. Get off the couch and climb out of stranger’s beds. There is actually a life out there waiting to be lived. The perfect date is waiting to take place. Go on now, you can do it.